I've been very slack. Honestly I think I've just been busy & any computer time I get I've been using to scan the forums and check 12wbt facebook groups! Plus whenever I get on the computer there's a certain very cute little boy who demands to share the keyboard with me!

I've had a couple of 'light bulb' moments the last few days & I wanted to write them down somewhere I could reflect on them.

Firstly, I need to make a better commitment to track my calories. I do a pretty good ob at sticking to the main meal calories but sometimes I swap the main meals on the plan for ones which are a bit more family friendly, sometimes those swapped meals are alternatives from the recipe index but sometimes they're just stirfrys or protein and salad etc ... and for example, today - I didn't track my calories but I skipped breakfast because we slept in, I exercised & by the time I showered and wrangled a few kids it was 11am. I decided to wait until lunch and save my calories for dessert tonight as we were having my sister over for her birthday. Now, I had a light lunch of pumpkin soup & didn't snack during the day, a dinner of stir fry with very little rice and then chocolate pudding with a little bit of ice cream.

I have NO IDEA how many calories that was!!! I think I prefer not knowing!! I'll just smash out some calories tomorrow and hope for the best on the scales on Wednesday!

AND I also think by not tracking I get a bit of food amnesia and forget what snacks I've eaten and an extra 100-200 calories here and there isn't going to help.

see what I mean??

So I think I need to make a commitment to really track my calories ... EXACTLY, no excuses.

My second light bulb moment ...

I've been reading on the forums and on facebook all these amazing inspirational stories & people setting and smashing goals to do things like Kokoda track, tough Mudders, stampede, triathlons, marathons, half marathons etc ... And I think it started to overwhelm me a bit. I kept thinking "I should be setting a goal to do xyz" or "I should be wanting to run a half marathon, or do a tough mudder". And at the moment, to tel you the truth, I don't want those things. To me those kind of goals just seem too far out of my reach at the moment. At the moment I want to just lose weight and be healthy! Just!! ha!

Does that make sense? so I'm really going to try and re-focus on the goals I set during pre-season. THOSE are the ones that are important to me right now. So what were they??

Pre-Season Goals:
1. Be under 90k by the time round 1 starts (to do this I had to lose 5.5kg) - DONE!!
2. Run 1 km without stopping - DONE!!

1st month goals:
1. Lose 6kg and be under 84kg - I think if I get my tracking down, I CAN do this!
2. Run 2km without stopping and be under 15 minutes - pretty confident of smashing this.

3 month Goals:
1. Fit into a size 12 - that will be a HAPPY HAPPY day!!!
2. Run 5km with no stopping

So these are my main focus at the moment and I really believe that the key will be to track my calories.

First full week weigh in is on Wednesday. I want to see at least a kilo down (maybe I'll pay for my pudding sins tonight?!) It's going to be a close call I think.

Exercise is chugging along nicely. Hitting my 500 calories each session (sometimes have to add extra cardio on toning days) and hit 1175 on Thursday for my SSS so this week I'm going to really try and focus on the food...and I'm going to try and blog more!

So much to say ...

But I don't know where to start!

I think I'm going to have to do another post to back track a bit - it's late and I really should be in bed so I feel motivated to go to my cycle class in the morning ...

But I just wanted to say - I'm down to 91.2kg and my goal is to get under 90kg by the start of the round, which is in 18 days time - totally smashable.

And I wanted to say, I am LOVING having set meals - 2 weeks ago I made the goal that between then and the start of the round I would use meals from the Michelle Bridges No Excuses & Crunchtime cookbooks. It has been such a load off my mind not to wonder each day "what are we going to have for dinner"??? Once a week I sit down for a few moments, look at what's on our calendar and choose some meals for dinners from the cookbooks. The kids have eaten most nights with us, I just modify their meals by adding pasta or rice. Most of the meals have been absolutely delicious and super easy to prepare - who doesn't like that???!!

Tonight we had Mediterranean Lamb shanks with pumpkin and mint - I slow cooked them and they were melt-in-your-mouth supper yummy!!

I am just loving being prepared and knowing what I have to cook each night - it's awesome. I still shop every couple of days because I like to have fresh veggies etc, but I go with a list - Yes!! A List!! who would have thought?!!! Makes it so much easier!

Anyway - it's awesome - did I mention that already?!!

Gotta go to bed. Next post - catch up on pre season tasks 2, 3 & 4 ...

Oh, p.s - been doing boot camp the last 2 weeks on a thursday morning - that's awesome too!! ;)

Pre-season Task 1

So it begins ...

I've come down with a cold/flu over the weekend so I haven't been exercising - it's all I can manage to keep on top of the day to day house stuff without feeling totally zapped of every bit of energy in my body. So I've been taking it easy. The upside is I can't really be bothered getting up to snack either!!

so the first pre-season task is to list your excuses ... & boy do I have excuses.

I have to say my major roadblocks/excuses are "I'm too tired", "I'm too busy", "I don't have the willpower" and probably too a bit of fear about not being able to achieve what I really want to, proving those who doubt me right and not being sure about who I will be when I lose weight.

I've never been smaller than 70kg in my entire adult life. I was thinking about this last night and trying to recall what I weighed when I got married (13 years ago!). All I know is that I hated my dress, it wasn't what I dreamed of wearing & I didn't feel beautiful. Funnily though, I was much lighter than I am now and RIGHT NOW I would give anything to be that size!!

So I know being a 'magic' number weight wise isn't going to make me happy, I guess I'm afraid that even at a 'magic' weight I'm still going to be unhappy, I'm afraid I won't be able to keep this up for life and the weight will creep back on. I'm afraid of not being able to enjoy the foods I love occasionally, & I'm afraid of forever having to count calories for the rest of my life.

But I have to remember that I'm also afraid of feeling fat & uncomfortable for the rest of my life!

My worst, worst downfall is eating things I know I shouldn't, even when I know I shouldn't eat them, even when I know I will later regret it.

So here are some of my solutions:

I'm going to go to bed earlier - 9:30 at the latest. No more staying up for hours watching tv
I'm not even going to go down the confectionery isle at the supermarket - ever. If I don't buy chocolate I can't eat it can I??
I'm going to schedule my exercise in & make time for meal planning & shopping lists (I know we get this with the 12wbt, but I want to start NOW) & those times will be non negotiable.
I've bought the crunch time dvd for times when kids are sick and I can't get to the gym
I signed up to Thursday morning Boot camp at the park across the road when I don't normally work out on a Thursday - it's no longer a 'day off'

It's been an enlightening task and I'm sure I'll be adding to my list of 'excuses' over the next few weeks.

I like this :

Sh'bam!

Let me start by saying this ... I am NOT a dancer!! I can't dance to save my life! And I feel sooo self conscious when I'm in a situation where any kind of dancing is required - I'd honestly rather die.

So yesterday my sister called me and said she was going to my gym with a friend of hers to do a sh'bam class & would I like to come? My brain was saying "ummm, hell, NO!" But for some reason I found my mouth saying "yeah ok" ... What the?!!!

All day I was nervous about it!!

We got to the gym early so I decided to do some time on the treadmill. I thought I'd do a 1k run and see how long it took me as I knew this would be one of our pre-season tasks. I started the run but got interrupted by someone who came for a chat so started again. 7min 44 seconds. part walking, mostly running. Lots of room for improvement, which is exciting.

Then into the class! The instructor was fun & the class was actually a lot of fun. I still felt pretty self conscious but I really enjoyed it. I managed (by total fluke) to stand in a position where the box containing the AV equipment blocked my view of myself in the mirror - which was great! I was so happy I didn't have to look at myself!! ;)

I wasn't sure how much of a workout the class would be, and in many places it didn't seem as much effort as required in step or cycle, but overall, including the run at the start, I burnt 734 calories. So I was happy about that.

So that's the good news...

The bad news is I stayed up past my bedtime after getting home from the gym and then couldn't get to sleep - as a result I was totally wasted this morning and decided not to go to my step class this morning. argh. I should have gone, I know I should have, but I had all the excuses ... i'm tired, I'm sore, I haven't started the 12wbt yet, I need to have a break, blah blah blah.

Went and did the grocery shopping and somehow a block of cadbury chocolate made it into my trolley along with a boost bar (last supper y'know ...) I had planned to come home and polish off a good portion of it for morning tea - as you do. When I came home I jumped on Facebook and all the 12wbt participants from round 1 are posting their end of round "I did it" stuff ... this one in particular really got to me :

http://youtu.be/uIBaxPC87Sg

So I hid the chocolates at the back of the top shelf in the pantry. I'm feeling pretty inspired by Cathy's video and I'm going to ignore those chocolates.

I do relate to so much of what she said. This last week in particular has been a constant mental battle for me. My brain tells me "you can't do this, you've tried to lose weight before and failed or put it all & then some, back on again. Why should this be any different". I can't even talk to my husband about it because I know he doesn't believe I can do it, it's just another phase. Why should he believe me?? I've been here, done this before (not 12wbt specifically) and it hasn't worked.

The email we got from Mish this morning about warm up challenge #5 was very timely and apt for me. She says:

"Making sure you have a handle on your mindset is KEY to your success on the 12WBT. To get you started, think about whether or not any of these apply to you:

You are afraid of change: Are you afraid of not being able to eat your favourite foods, afraid of having to get out of bed early to exercise, afraid of what you may look like at the end of the 12 weeks?
You are scared you will fail: Are you scared to fail yourself, or disappoint someone who has put faith in you, or prove someone right who has told you that you won't succeed..?
You have destructive habits: Do you make poor food choices even though you know better, do you skip exercise just because you don't like it, do you let others make you feel bad about the choices you make?"

Ummm, afraid of change - check
afraid of failure - check
destructive habits - check.

I have a long way to go. But I HAVE to do this.

1 week to go

I have had a terrible week.
It's like the week was 1 big "Last Supper".

I did somehow manage to lose 300g though. Which I think is actually a bad thing because then I get this mind set of "I can still lose weight and eat crap" going on.

As well as eating shit all week I also managed to not go to the gym ... at all. gah!

Dragged my sorry butt there today to do cycle class. Honestly I used to love cycle, but it's starting to lose some of it's appeal when I see the calorie burn on my HRM. step for me is a much better calorie burner. I think the calorie burned per minute works out to about the same, but step is a longer class, so I end up burning more. Of course I could stay for another 15 minutes and do some time on the treadmill or something, but I couldn't be fagged today to tell you the truth.S Something to aim for?

Anyway, I'm actually really really glad it's only 1 more week until pre-season for the 12wbt starts. I'm looking forward to getting stuck into pre-season tasks (let's not talk about my miserable failure with challenge 4 of the warm up!)

I'm contemplating taking an Attack class. The Les Mills promo for it looks totally intimidating. I think I might die after the warm up track! There's one on Friday morning at my gym if I can make it in time after school & kindy drop offs.

Fish and salad for dinner tonight - yum. Gotta go feed the ferals and put them to bed.

A new beginning

I feel a bit sad coming back to this blog - because I'm 1000 miles away from where I want to be and so much further away from the progress I made over the time I kept this blog and started running. But here's to new beginnings ...

It's been an awfully tough 18/24 mths. I'm not going to go into all the details, but suffice to say we've dealt with some major life changes, including but not limited to the surprise addition of #4, buying a bigger (more expensive, bigger mortgage) house, moving and all that goes along with it and some other personal stuff. I'm ashamed to say I'm heavier than I've ever been - even when 9 months pregnant with my last baby - and more unfit that I ever was.

A couple of months ago I joined back at the gym. I was too embarrassed to go back to Goodlife at Graceville, so I joined at Holland Park. How terrible is that?!! Anyway, it was a bit of a lifesaver getting back to the gym, and I've been enjoying going for 2 or 3 times a week. You know, the usual kid stuff seems to always get in the way - sickness, school commitments, sickness, other appointments, sickness ... get the picture.

I stumbled across the Michelle Bridges 12WBT via a friend's FB 'like' and ummed and ahhed about joining the next round (I'd just missed the first round) - I signed up to indicate my interest and when the reminder email came I thought, 'stuff it, why not'. So here I am, waiting for the 'pre-season' to start in 13 days. I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the structure and not having to think about it. I'm ready to give myself over to the process and whatever is asked of me, put my heart and soul into and desperate to change my life.

I don't want to be fat and unhappy anymore. I've been working on the unhappy part, and I'm getting there, slowly. I'm eager to get started on the fat part ;) Of course, there's nothing stopping me from starting now ... except all the excuses and negative self talk ... in the world! And of course the 'freak, I'm not going to have chocolate for, like, forever. I better eat a block of it, right NOW!'. Old habits die hard. *sigh*

Anyway, I decided to resurrect the blog and write about my journey and progress and in 12 weeks time I'm gonna have some kick butt before/after photos to show! :)

pain!

I guess it's what I deserve after taking such a long break from regular exercise.

I've been pretty sore this week.

Tuesday after my first PT I could barely walk! Wednesday was another PT (assisted dips and chin ups - blergh!) and then today I went and did a class called 'fight club' - basically a boxing circuit.

Wednesday I was feeling a little better, but back to being pretty sore and stiff today. I have to say I was disappointed with the boxing class. I enjoyed the one at my old gym much better.

So far I'm happy with my decision about the gym & training. That said, I am realising that my previous trainer was really good. I'm not saying the current one isn't, I think it will work out well.

Friday's I plan to normally go and do a spin class, but it's Max's birthday party in the afternoon and I have cakes to make & ice, food to prepare, balloons to blow up, house to clean ... etc etc ... He's 6, which I'm finding hard to come to terms with.

Weigh in tonight for Fat Club! Hoping to smash my 5% loss target ... I've worked pretty hard this week, so I'll be disappointed if I don't.

Joined the gym

So, I made a decision and decided to join the Goodlife. Went in on Saturday for an hour which was mainly answering questions, showing me equipment etc etc ...

The guy who showed me around was a trainer there called Simon. He has 2 young kids, so I feel like he appreciates, at least to some degree, that it can be hard with kids sometimes.

I decided to book in with him for PT sessions TWICE (!!) a week until my sister's wedding, which is in May. I have 6 and a half weeks until I have to get on a plan to Darwin for that wedding. I'm hoping to bust my guts and work really hard and try to lose somewhere between 7 and 10 kilos in that time. I still won't be happy with the way I look, but I'll be happier.

Already I feel better, like I'm back in control. I'm making the decisions and have the power to determine if I'm going to do this or not.

I feel positive about it. Leaving the gym on Saturday I felt great. I knew I'd made the right decision.

So first PT is tomorrow. I'm preparing for the pain.

attempt # 1989

well, perhaps not 1989, but something like that.

My baby turned 1 a couple of weeks ago. I'm a bit sad about that, but I was sadder when I saw the photos from our little celebration we held for him. I think I looked 6 mths pregnant again and it totally depressed me.

Before Max was born I had some success at weight watchers. I think it's something to do with the public humiliation and parting with hard earned cash that forces me to be better and more accountable with my diet than I might otherwise.

So in light of the disgusting photos (which really were just the last straw) I dragged my sorry butt back to fat culb 2 weeks ago.

First week I lost 2.7k

This week I lost another 1k.

I have another .86 of a kilo before I reach my first goal of 5% loss - which I should achieve next week.

So I'm blogging about this because it adds another degree of accountability (to who/what I'm not sure) to the whole process. I think it just helps me to write how I feel about it all. It's mainly for myself.

These couple of weeks really haven't been that hard. I think once you resolve to really do something about it, it's easier. I had a little slip up this week, but I think hormones were playing a big role this week.

My main dilemma this week has been trying to decide what gym to join. I'd love to go back to my old gym because it's small, family run, friendly. However, they don't have a large choice of classes or times. My other option is Goodlife which is about a 10 minute drive from the school and a 15 min drive from our place. They have great classes, frequently, more childcare times, more equipment, but I feel intimidated by the bigness and 'trendiness' of the place. And they're more expensive by a couple of hundred dollars ...

decisions.

Next week I have to plan and hold a party for Max - who can believe he's 6.

Not running related...

On the weekend A and I took the kids down to the bay at Manly for a walk/scooter along the pier and possibly some dinner.

I saw a young girl, probably about 5, being chased, laughing and having a wonderful time. The woman who was chasing her was not her mother. She could have been her mother, but she was too happy and had too much energy to be her mother. I think it was an aunt.

Sure enough, I was right, not long after the happy chaser and chasee passed us we were passed by the mother - pushing a younger child in a pram. She was not as happy and not as energetic.

I felt I could really realte to her. Except I didn't have a fun aunt to be the chaser ... which wasn't fair really.

*sigh*

Anyway ... a small insight to my frame of mind at the moment.

The other thing I saw was lots of people running. Would be a nice place to run really - flat, nice scenery ...

Haven't been doing much running - which I'm a bit peeved off about - but I only have myself to blame. Too much good tennis on the tv and too many late nights make it very hard to get up in the morning.

I have been swimming though.

Swimming is much harder than it looks.

I've been swimming with the squad at our local pool, under the watchful eye of a guy called Trent, who by all accounts is very good at what he does.

Breathing is an unfortunately neccessary part of swimming and one that I struggle with, particularly on my left side. But anyway, I think I'm improving and getting better each time.

I can't say I'm particularly enjoying the whole experience. My arms ache (a good thing probably) and I constantly get cramps in the arches of my feet and my calves - I'm not sure how to combat this aside from stretching - I guess I want to prevent it from happening rather than treating it when it does happen.

I don't get the same 'rush' I get from going out for a run, or doing a spin or boxing class. At the moment I think I'm too frustrated at my lack of skill for it to be enjoyable. I hope the enjoyment will come ... soon. ;)

I also don't like what it does to my hair (how girly is that?!) I think I'll have to get some kind of treatment next time I see my hairdresser.

I have much more I could write, about my thinking on the whole Tri thing - but I think it will wait for another day.

slack week

A slack week on all accounts.

blergh.

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day, right?

So - I was supposed to be meeting a friend for a run tomorrow morning, but it's been raining here (yeah, I just don't get the whole 'I love to run in the rain' thing - although the only time I've ever run in the rain was in winter and that wasn't fun) and she's gone up the coast for the long weekend ... so we'll see.

That sucks, I know. I should just commit to it and get over it. Shouldn't I?

It has been totally horrible here for the last few days. The heat and humidity have been disgusting.

I did manage a couple of runs, one of which was on Wednesday morning. 6:30am and it already felt like 30 + degrees. AND it was garbo day on the route I ran, so I had to run past loads of S T I N K Y bins. Gross.

Anyway, just fighting the old 'I don't want to get out of bed any earlier than I have to' mental battle at the moment.

School goes back Tuesday. I hope I can survive another 3 days. It's been a close call a couple of times over the last 6 weeks. Did the mad rush to the shops today for new school shoes for Max - $105 dollars later. Ah well.

My point is, (most of the time I have a point, it just takes me a while to get to it) that school goes back Tuesday, hopefully if all goes smoothly I should be able to get to the pool for my first sqaud training session at 9:15. Feeling slightly nervous about it, but it really helps that I already have some friends who swim in that squad so I wont feel so alone - pathetic, I know.

bed time fast approaching and there is a mountain of clean washing on my bed.

a run and a plan ... of sorts.

Another run this morning. Same route as Tuesday - ran a little more. Today was probably the first day I was able to walk down the front steps without wincing ;) I really feel it in my quads and whatever the muscle is called which runs the front length of your lower shin/ankle/top of your foot - if that makes sense.

Stretched for a bit longer this morning. Still quite sore, but possibly not as bad as Tuesday was. A much greater sense of satisfaction this morning than I had Wednesday morning after keeping it to a walk - but walking was a wise choice I believe.

The tri at Raby Bay is one of the gatorade series and they have a 'mates race' category - which is what we'll be entering. So it looks like a goer. I'm yet to submit my entry form. I'm terrified of the bike leg. I'm terrified of the bike in general - it's just so intimidating, so much 'stuff' needed. I don't trust my 6 year old k-mart-hasn't-been-ridden-in-a-very-long-time bike, but don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a new one unless I know i'm going to like it and it be something I might continue doing for a while ...

And I'm scared of crashing.

My plan is to swim on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, spin Wednesday morning and run Monday and Friday mornings. Eventually I'll turn the spin on Wednesday into a real bike ride and try and get our for a second on the Saturday morning with Sunday being a rest day.

Today my plan is some housework - joy.

daily report

1/2 hour brisk walk to give my aching quads/calves/shins/everything a little rest.

that's what you get for doing nothing for over a year and then going out on your regular running route!

I figured walking was better than nothing. I'm stiff today.

Took the kids Yeronga pool for a swim today and picked up an info sheet about their sqaud training ... still thinking about the whole tri thing ... spent several hours reading threads on CR and Transitions about beginning tri training/tips. My mind is spinning.

wow

I honestly didn't expect to come here today and find any comments ... I didn't. I typed that entry yesterday purely for ME (and will continue to do so!). I was pleasantly surprised to log on today and find two, TWO, comments. Thanks guys. I feel the love!

I had a terrible sleep last night but the good news is I woke up and went out for a run. It was only for a 1/2 hour, I don't know the distance, I didn't run the whole way, but I knew I couldn't keep making excuses "I haven't had much sleep", "Lewis is still asleep" blah blah blah ... My plan had been to take Lewis out with me in the jogger, but he WAS still sleeping and I knew if I waited around for him to wake up I'd never go.

So I just went.

and

it. felt. good.

And I've felt good all day since. Just knowing that I got off my lazy butt and did it. Legs are sore, but I'll be out there again tomorrow. and the day after that and the day after that ...

So here's the thing - and seeing as though there seems to be some wise ones out there keeping an eye on me ... I'd like your advice.

A sprint (I think that's what they call it - a mini?) tri in 14 weeks time at Raby Bay ... 400m swim, 15k cycle, 4k run

do-able?

attainable?

My sister and 2 mutual friends of ours are keen.

I haven't ridden a real bike in, oh, 4 years. I was doing spin/rpm class 1 to 2 times a week at the gym way back when. Falling off a bike scares me. Trying to run after riding a bike 15k seems daunting to me. I have a crappy old kmart bike. I've never swum, like really swum, in open water before. At least there's no surf at raby bay.

excuses?

I'm thinking swimming twice a week, spin twice a week with a goal to get on a real bike soonish, and running twice a week with the occasional combination of run/swim run/cycle etc to and from the pool etc ...

This post is turning into a novel (hey, I AM back!) and reminiscent of my "should I or shouldn't I run a 10k" ...

I want you back

more and more lately I want to be back running.

there's no reason I can't. no injury. no illness.

just laziness ... I guess.

today i picked up my mp3 player and listened to my running playlist. It had been a while. The thought of returning to running had been playing on my mind for a few months now, but listening to those songs which saw me through many a run, really made me want to get out there, forget whatever is bothering me, and just be me for a little while.

Be me, instead of someone's mother, someone's wife, someone's food source, someone's whatever. Even though all those things are me ... you know.

Anyway, so hopefully what follows over the next few months will be a personal documentation of my attempts to get back running.

IN fact, my sister, Beth, is planning to do a tri this year (october I think) and she's been trying to get me to join her. The run leg I know I can do no problems, it's the others which worry me, but something I'd love to aim for.

I just have to give myself a swift kick up the backside and stop making excuses and just get out there. Stupidly, I'm embarrassed to go back to the gym as I weigh more now than I did before when I was going regularly. Mum said "but you've had a baby" ... well, loads of people have babies and don't put on weight.

I'm one of the unlucky ones who just DOES NOT lose weight breastfeeding. It's like my body clings to every calorie it possibly can in case it needs it ... *sigh*

Well, Lewis self weaned (I have mixed feelings about this) and so that is no longer a problem/excuse. I plan to join the gym once school starts back and we're in more of a routine, me and my extra 10 kilos.

It'd be nice to lose a couple before I had to drag my sorry self into that establishment again, tail between my legs.

So I want the old me back - the old me that was the new me. The old, old me, the one who didn't exercise, who didn't run because "I can't run" ... pffft has been in residence for too long! So I'm going to try and find the old new me - I think she was happier.

let it rain

we've had rain here almost constantly for about 4 days now - it's been lovely. The kids are a bit over it though. Oh and it makes me very sad we don't have tanks - but in order to have tanks you have to have functioning gutters - us, we just have 'strategic' drainage points at various spots along the entire guttering of the house - who needs a tank ... pfft!!

So, we decided to stay ... we wanted to go, but it had to be right, and there were a few things that just weren't. We had no g'tee that Max was even going to be able to get into a school (international) over there as a lot of them were full already for his age level. And although we had a housing allowance as part of the package - it wasn't enough for us to be able to live within walking distance to a school AND be on a train line that was close enough to where Arie would be working. The company kept telling us these things would all be fine and would be worked out when we got there ... but for me, these were deal breakers - I wasn't prepared to go on the off chance that these things might work out.

In addition Japanes workers get no sick leave ... If you get sick you have to use your annual leave - and I'll get to that in a minute. I read a study on the internet which said that only 20% of the workforce over there used their annual leave for leisure activites. 40% used annual leave for their own sick days and 40% for the care of sick family members .... wow! No wonder they're all so highly strung and commiting suicide all the time (huge sweeping generalisations there!!!)

Standard annual leave is 12 days per year with 15 public holidays (which is about the same amount of public holidays we get depending on the state you live in) ... 12 days!!!!! A would have got 2 days leave when the baby was born - so who knows what we would have done with the other 2 children while I was in hospital ...

So for those and a few other reasons which are way too complicated to go into, we decided, sadly, to stay - but now the decision is made I feel good about it. A has also been told by another player in the industry that when we decide to go, to let them know and they'll arrange it - and not on local hire terms either - so that means he'd have the same entitlements he would have here ... so the plan is to do it a few years time.

For now we're tuning our attention to some renovations and trying to decide how far to go with them - do we raise the house and do a full on renovation or do we sell and buy somewhere else???? Life is full of decisions I don't really want to make!!! Why can't someone just tell me what to do.

I'm experiencing extreme frustration at the moment with my latest uni assignment ... yeah, yeah, I know I say the same thing every semester - so A tells me anyway. But this is really doing my head in. It's a very theoretical assigment and I'm having trouble wading through all the academic self important talk of all the books etc ...

Next week Max starts a "Happy Coconuts" which is a group that does sport lessons for 3 to 6 year olds. A is concerned that he can't catch a ball!!! So they spend a few weeks at a time learning the basic skills of a variety of different sports - next week they start AFL - which Max should like because he likes to kick and handball around the back yard ... he just can't catch the ball! :)

Still got the hangings on of something - perhaps a mild sinus infection - certainly not 100%, but life goes on.

Had my first hospital appointment this week - just a paperwork session really - back to see the doctor in 2 weeks.

OH .... guess where I spent 2 3/4 hours on Wednesday night??? The EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT OF THE MATER CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL!! Max swalloed a 1 Yen coin - between the size of a 5 and 10 cent piece. I just sent him back to bed - he wasn't choking, he could talk and swallow etc etc, and thought it'd just come out the other end ... well, to be sure I called the 13HEALTH number they have here where you can speak to a registered nurse - and they said "oh no, you have to take him straight to the emergency department, if it passes through to his intestinal tract it can cause perferations etc etc - they'l have to remove it from his stomach under anesthetic" GREAT! So at 8pm I packed Max into the car and drove to the hospital (not far from us) ... anyway, to cut a very long night short - after waiting forever to see a doctor in a room full of vomiting children, he had an x-ray - coin is in his stomach - the DO NOT remove them, and they DO NOT cause perferations - he can just poo it out! The doctor said the only time they worry about it is if the coin gets caught beteween the throat and stomach - which obviously wan't the case with Max, who later told me he thought his trip to the hospital was "fun" .... It certainly wasn't for me, and I'm hoping like mad that we didn't walk out of there with more germs than we came with.

So that was my excitement for the week. :)

Sorry for the long post - I had to make up for my short non-post just for PH!! - and I can't be bothered spell checking, so there'll be loads of mistakes cos I think faster than I type - or is it the other way around?!

we're staying - I have a head cold and feel horrid - will be back later to fill in the gaps.

decision time

Awwww, it's nice to see comments from all of you after so long ... And I'm not even doing any running at the moment for you to comment on. If we go to Japan I'll have to change the title and topics of this blog and will definitely continue it.

Japan japan japan ... Geez, I've never lost so much sleep in my life as I have over the last couple of nights. I'm wasted. We have a deadline for the decision of Friday morning - yup, tomorrow morning.

It's not that we don't want to go - I think we do - there are a lot of uncertainties about the move which complicate the decision. We know we'd come out of the other side of a 3 year stint with financial gains and the experience would be priceless.

But here we have family, a great lifestyle, secure good job, we don't struggle money wise.

Part of me wants to go simply for the adventure and the experience and to make sure I'm not one who stays in the suburbs of Brisbane my whole life doing what I've always done and getting what I've always got.

But the other part of me wants to stay where it's comfortable and the factors are all known and within my comfort zone.

ANYWAY .... just some thoughts. Took the kids 10 pin bowling this morning and not surprisingly has aggravated my sciatica a little - by the end of the day I'll be hobbling. But I won (against a 4 and 2 y.o mind you!)!!!

It was Maeve's birthday on Monday - when I get around to taking the photos off the camera I'll post some.

First round of crunch time coming up at uni this semester. FINAL SEMESTER ... EVER!!! woo hoo!!!!!!! Really interesting subjects, I wish in a way I had more time to devote to it. Will be very relieved when it's all done and dusted.

Pregnancy is going well, aside from the sciatica pain. First check up with the hospital next week. I'm always quietly terrified leading up to those appointments that I'm going to go there and they won't be able to find a heart beat or something terrible will have gone wrong. Silly I know, but I can't help it.

Anyway, it's bed time for my little munchkin - hopefully a nice quiet 2 hr nap ... fingers crossed.

maeve poured water on the laptop and after a commedy of errors by DELL it's FINALLY fixed. Thank goodness we had an accidental damage policy ...

Anyway ... decision re Japan is likely to be made this week. Still in 2 minds. Why does it have to be so hard.

No running. Sciatic nerve playing up just from gym work. I haven't been reading any blogs (haven't had internet ...:) And I'm sure there isn't anyone still reading this one.

Hope all who ran at B2B ran well - will have to go catch up and see how things went ...

how do you ...

I'm freezing. Looking forward to summer. Our house (like most old homes in QLD) just isn't built for winter.

So I'm wondering how you decide if it's the right thing to do to move your family to a foriegn country? How do you determine that the cultural experience will be more beneficial for them than the experience of growing up with local access to grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles? How do you decide that you will survive living in one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world. not speaking a word of the language? How do you decide that you will be OK having a new baby in said city without the help of friends and family? How do you decide that it will be the right move career wise, especially when it could mean the start of a totally new life for your family that means you might not return to Brisbane, or even Australia for a significant period of time? and mostly, how do you know you won't regret it if you decide not to go ...

Anyone got a crystal ball going cheap?