So much to say ...

But I don't know where to start!

I think I'm going to have to do another post to back track a bit - it's late and I really should be in bed so I feel motivated to go to my cycle class in the morning ...

But I just wanted to say - I'm down to 91.2kg and my goal is to get under 90kg by the start of the round, which is in 18 days time - totally smashable.

And I wanted to say, I am LOVING having set meals - 2 weeks ago I made the goal that between then and the start of the round I would use meals from the Michelle Bridges No Excuses & Crunchtime cookbooks. It has been such a load off my mind not to wonder each day "what are we going to have for dinner"??? Once a week I sit down for a few moments, look at what's on our calendar and choose some meals for dinners from the cookbooks. The kids have eaten most nights with us, I just modify their meals by adding pasta or rice. Most of the meals have been absolutely delicious and super easy to prepare - who doesn't like that???!!

Tonight we had Mediterranean Lamb shanks with pumpkin and mint - I slow cooked them and they were melt-in-your-mouth supper yummy!!

I am just loving being prepared and knowing what I have to cook each night - it's awesome. I still shop every couple of days because I like to have fresh veggies etc, but I go with a list - Yes!! A List!! who would have thought?!!! Makes it so much easier!

Anyway - it's awesome - did I mention that already?!!

Gotta go to bed. Next post - catch up on pre season tasks 2, 3 & 4 ...

Oh, p.s - been doing boot camp the last 2 weeks on a thursday morning - that's awesome too!! ;)

Pre-season Task 1

So it begins ...

I've come down with a cold/flu over the weekend so I haven't been exercising - it's all I can manage to keep on top of the day to day house stuff without feeling totally zapped of every bit of energy in my body. So I've been taking it easy. The upside is I can't really be bothered getting up to snack either!!

so the first pre-season task is to list your excuses ... & boy do I have excuses.

I have to say my major roadblocks/excuses are "I'm too tired", "I'm too busy", "I don't have the willpower" and probably too a bit of fear about not being able to achieve what I really want to, proving those who doubt me right and not being sure about who I will be when I lose weight.

I've never been smaller than 70kg in my entire adult life. I was thinking about this last night and trying to recall what I weighed when I got married (13 years ago!). All I know is that I hated my dress, it wasn't what I dreamed of wearing & I didn't feel beautiful. Funnily though, I was much lighter than I am now and RIGHT NOW I would give anything to be that size!!

So I know being a 'magic' number weight wise isn't going to make me happy, I guess I'm afraid that even at a 'magic' weight I'm still going to be unhappy, I'm afraid I won't be able to keep this up for life and the weight will creep back on. I'm afraid of not being able to enjoy the foods I love occasionally, & I'm afraid of forever having to count calories for the rest of my life.

But I have to remember that I'm also afraid of feeling fat & uncomfortable for the rest of my life!

My worst, worst downfall is eating things I know I shouldn't, even when I know I shouldn't eat them, even when I know I will later regret it.

So here are some of my solutions:

I'm going to go to bed earlier - 9:30 at the latest. No more staying up for hours watching tv
I'm not even going to go down the confectionery isle at the supermarket - ever. If I don't buy chocolate I can't eat it can I??
I'm going to schedule my exercise in & make time for meal planning & shopping lists (I know we get this with the 12wbt, but I want to start NOW) & those times will be non negotiable.
I've bought the crunch time dvd for times when kids are sick and I can't get to the gym
I signed up to Thursday morning Boot camp at the park across the road when I don't normally work out on a Thursday - it's no longer a 'day off'

It's been an enlightening task and I'm sure I'll be adding to my list of 'excuses' over the next few weeks.

I like this :

Sh'bam!

Let me start by saying this ... I am NOT a dancer!! I can't dance to save my life! And I feel sooo self conscious when I'm in a situation where any kind of dancing is required - I'd honestly rather die.

So yesterday my sister called me and said she was going to my gym with a friend of hers to do a sh'bam class & would I like to come? My brain was saying "ummm, hell, NO!" But for some reason I found my mouth saying "yeah ok" ... What the?!!!

All day I was nervous about it!!

We got to the gym early so I decided to do some time on the treadmill. I thought I'd do a 1k run and see how long it took me as I knew this would be one of our pre-season tasks. I started the run but got interrupted by someone who came for a chat so started again. 7min 44 seconds. part walking, mostly running. Lots of room for improvement, which is exciting.

Then into the class! The instructor was fun & the class was actually a lot of fun. I still felt pretty self conscious but I really enjoyed it. I managed (by total fluke) to stand in a position where the box containing the AV equipment blocked my view of myself in the mirror - which was great! I was so happy I didn't have to look at myself!! ;)

I wasn't sure how much of a workout the class would be, and in many places it didn't seem as much effort as required in step or cycle, but overall, including the run at the start, I burnt 734 calories. So I was happy about that.

So that's the good news...

The bad news is I stayed up past my bedtime after getting home from the gym and then couldn't get to sleep - as a result I was totally wasted this morning and decided not to go to my step class this morning. argh. I should have gone, I know I should have, but I had all the excuses ... i'm tired, I'm sore, I haven't started the 12wbt yet, I need to have a break, blah blah blah.

Went and did the grocery shopping and somehow a block of cadbury chocolate made it into my trolley along with a boost bar (last supper y'know ...) I had planned to come home and polish off a good portion of it for morning tea - as you do. When I came home I jumped on Facebook and all the 12wbt participants from round 1 are posting their end of round "I did it" stuff ... this one in particular really got to me :

http://youtu.be/uIBaxPC87Sg

So I hid the chocolates at the back of the top shelf in the pantry. I'm feeling pretty inspired by Cathy's video and I'm going to ignore those chocolates.

I do relate to so much of what she said. This last week in particular has been a constant mental battle for me. My brain tells me "you can't do this, you've tried to lose weight before and failed or put it all & then some, back on again. Why should this be any different". I can't even talk to my husband about it because I know he doesn't believe I can do it, it's just another phase. Why should he believe me?? I've been here, done this before (not 12wbt specifically) and it hasn't worked.

The email we got from Mish this morning about warm up challenge #5 was very timely and apt for me. She says:

"Making sure you have a handle on your mindset is KEY to your success on the 12WBT. To get you started, think about whether or not any of these apply to you:

You are afraid of change: Are you afraid of not being able to eat your favourite foods, afraid of having to get out of bed early to exercise, afraid of what you may look like at the end of the 12 weeks?
You are scared you will fail: Are you scared to fail yourself, or disappoint someone who has put faith in you, or prove someone right who has told you that you won't succeed..?
You have destructive habits: Do you make poor food choices even though you know better, do you skip exercise just because you don't like it, do you let others make you feel bad about the choices you make?"

Ummm, afraid of change - check
afraid of failure - check
destructive habits - check.

I have a long way to go. But I HAVE to do this.