if there's one thing I'm good at, it's procrastinating

Just quick post because I'm supposed to be writing an assignment (yes, another one. this one is worse than the last one and is due Thursday). I've just had to go and get a pillow to put on my chair because my butt is not happy about being parked on this hard chair for the last couple of hours. Particularly as there doesn't seem to be much movement on the essay front.

Anyway, went out for a run this morning around the city/river. I was having the usual saturday night debate in my head last night, should I shouldn't I? I should, but I don't think I can be bothered, I'd love a sleep in, looks like it might rain, cold, dark, wet ... etc etc ... But Lisa rang me and we agreed to meet at the Goodwill Bridge at 5:45am. It's certainly not getting any easier to get out of bed early with the cooler weather and shorter days.

But as usual, once I was out of bed, it wasn't so bad.

I just wanted to say what a fantastic run it was this morning. I came home and told my husband that it was a really great run, but could explain to him why it was great. It was just one of those runs that felt really comfortable, my head was in a really great space and the negative thoughts were at a minimum, everything just felt 'right' - anyone who runs will know exactly what I mean, but it's hard to explain isn't it?

I even thought that it was easier for me to talk and run, but I'm sure our pace wasn't any slower than previous runs. All up about 7k in 51min. A thoroughly enjoyable morning.

here's a picture of where we went - through the city this time from riverside rather than through the gardens - the later (I discovered this morning) is a much more enjoyable run - you avoid most of the car fumes and saturday night drunks still hanging around outside the casino and other places - not to mention the alleyways through the city that smell like a men's toilet.

ETA - oh I meant to say, stretching - I admit I am sometimes guilty of skipping or not stretching enough, but it seemed to me that the quads tightened up during the run on Friday, not after. I could literally feel them starting to tighten up - I stopped for a little stretch, but I think the damage was done. anyway, feeling much better after this morning's run, so I think I must have just been tired from Sunday.

Kathy - I had to laugh at your wonderings about the manure ... mum and dad have 32 acres - they're a bit nuts about their gardening and I think my dad's words were "dump it all on the veggie patch" :0

About Chi Running - I've looked for this book at borders ... no luck - I remember someone else reading it - was it Kathy? Is it worth a read?

Peter - I've sent you my email address via CR.

Miners - yes the DFO near the airport - the Brooks shop there is great, and other stores there are great for cheap kids shoes.

The Polocrosse was kind of fun - it rained all day, so we got pretty wet and cold. The kids, who have not ever seen real horses before absolutely LOVED it. Maeve's reaction to the horses was priceless - it was worth it just to see that. The game looks awfully dangerous if you ask me, and I don't know how they don't fall off and get trampled. Horses are amazing animals - I'll let you in on a secret - I was obsessed with horses in my youth - in fact, I though I was one! Don't laugh! how embarrassing !

5km

this morning's effort - Av HR: 158, 5.2k in 32.54, which is about 6:30min ks ... for me that was pretty good! It doesn't feel right because in hindsight it wasn't that difficult (aside for some tightness and soreness in the quads - more about that later). I need a way of switching off my brain when I run. I have to fight so hard to keep the negative thoughts at bay and it really frustrates me.

I haven't decided what to do training wise - everyone has a different opinion and I guess it's a matter of finding what works for you. I'll probably procrastinate making any decisions (decision making is definitely not one of my strong points) and just keep plodding along for a while. My aim is to get this morning's pace feeling a little more comfortable and be able to sustain it for longer - as Benny pointed out, 6:30min ks is a 65 min 10k - I'd be stoked with that.

About 2/3 of the way through though I was really feeling it in my quads ... man, what a sook - I just don't get it - If I'd run a marathon on Sunday I could understand it, I ran a measly 10k with only 1 easy run since then.

When I got home I could barely get out of the car, and had to go down the back steps sideways this morning!!! Disgraceful!!

I also seem to have broken out in some kind of a rash all over my neck, shoulders, upper chest and upper back. It's red and itchy and is driving me slightly nuts.

No run tomorrow as we're off to Warwick for the day to watch my sister's partner play polocrosse. Would you believe that my mother is driving down in dad's ute so she can collect a ute full of horse manure (polocrosse is played on horses and they're having the polocrosse World Cup 2007 down there this weekend 800+ horses in one tiny town = a lot of manure)????? I don't even want to think about it. She's completely nuts!

Not much to say really - went out for a 5k on Wednesday morning - had to keep telling myself this was supposed to be an easy recovery type run and not to push myself too hard! Found it quite an enjoyable run. I just did the usual 5k out and back route around my house - all down hill on the way out and all up hill on the way home. I'm finding I am capable of running a lot more than I used to on the route home (as opposed to the usual walk run walk run), so that made me happy.

Planning to head out tomorrow morning and time my 5k around the river by Yeronga so I can measure my improvements over the next couple of months before the GCM. I'm not expecting great times tomorrow - I haven't been going to the gym this week and then had last week not doing much before the 10k ... so I'll probably be a bit slow.

I've been feeling a bit bored with the gym lately & spoke to my PT about it - I decided to have a little gym holiday this week as a result. Also changing my schedule up a bit to try and combat the boredom. It's not just boredom, it's also a time management thing. I feel like I spend my life at the gym and the life/gym balance is out of whack, particularly on the days when Max is at Kindy and I go to the gym, come home, Maeve goes to sleep, she wakes up, has lunch and then we go get Max - I never get anything else done. So I've swapped my 1 day off gym to a thursday (which is a kindy day) which will hopefully allow me to get a few jobs done on the Thursday. We'll see how it goes.

I want to head out to the DFO and get some new running gear ... maybe tomorrow.

thanks

I forgot to say a huge thank you for all the encouraging comments on my first 10k - thanks :)

3 posts in one day - can you tell I'm procrastinating ...

so what now???

RMR asked if I ran with a HRM - the answer is Yes. A question about this - I know HR is an individual thing and what works for one may not for another, but when running my HR is ALWAYS high - I'm talking in the 170 - 180 range, but mostly sitting around 172/175 ... I know that will improve as I get more used to running and as I get fitter, but I was surprised that it was so high. That's not really a question is it? More of a statement ... feel free to respond to my statement!!

So I'm planning on heading out for a run tomorrow morning.

I'm actually quite sore today - but I think that has more to do with the massage (read remedial, ouch that hurts, what the hell are you doing, sports massage as opposed to the dim lights, oil burner, relaxing massage!!) I had last night. I'd booked it about a week ago because I thought I'd pull up a bit sore after Sunday and would benefit from it ... turns out I probably didn't need it, but it was still enjoyable in an odd painful kind of way!

So I'm a bit sore today but nothing major.

anyway, back to running ... an easy 5k tomorrow and then I want to focus on getting my time down for the 10 at the GCM. I'm hoping that running in July, earlier in the day and on a flatter course will all contribute to this, but I like to think there's actually something I can do to have an effect on the outcome too.

I'd like to aim for something under 1:10, but closer to 1:05 - I'd like to know what my wonderful readers think (ooh, bit presumptuous?)? Realistic?

Feedback from some runners on CR seems to indicate that I just keep running as I have been and the improvements will come - there's no need for any specific speed work at this stage ?? So I should just keep running my 2 or 3 5k runs during the week and a long (well long for me - say 8 to 10k) run on the weekend? Should I push myself in the 5k runs, make one of them a kind of a time trial or tempo run? I'd like to be able to keep a 6:30 pace, I couldn't sustain that for the whole race on Sunday and would like to be able to by the time the CGM comes around. Am I setting myself up for a dismal failure?

The other option is to follow a structured program, like a Hal Higdon 10k here : http://www.halhigdon.com/10ktraining/10kinter.htm ... I'm not sure I would class myself as intermediate, but his beginner program would probably frustrate me.

I'm just feeling a little lost - I'm not sure how I should be going about this. If I should just be plodding through my usual runs, like I always have, then fine, I'll do that ... or if the above sounds ok, then I'll do that, or if there's something else I should be doing, I'll do that :) !! I'm willing to try anything, I just want to see some good results in July ...

Looks like I'm getting a new iPod for Mother's Day - YAY!!! The shuffle has finally died once and for all, so I'm thinking a Nano ...

a couple of photos

The only running action shot you're going to see on here of me - the others remind me all too clearly of the fact that I need to lose weight - this is us (top LH cnr of the photo) just going under the bridge near the start of the race, still trying to find a comfortable spot in the crowd in which we could run without having to stop for people in front - a bit frustrating that part of the race isn't it?

some of you may have seen this on CR already ...

10k ...

OK, so last night I had the worst night’s sleep in my life!!! I just couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t switch off. Went to bed at 8pm and ended up getting up to watch TV at 10:30 – went back to bed an hour later and finally managed to drift off, only to keep waking up to look at the clock, worried I might sleep through my alarm!

Anyway, my ride arrived at 5:15am and we headed off to see the marathoners and half marathoners get their start – that was inspirational, seeing those guys just fly past and thinking some of them were going to be keeping up that pace for 42km! Wow! I could never do that. In fact, after today I don’t think I could ever do a half either!

Our 10k started at 9am and it was already warm so I knew it was going to be hot. We started out at about 2 thirds of the way at the back of the pack and quickly overtook people in front of us as we settled into a nice pace. At that point I was feeling good, but for me it’s always a mental battle, finding my rhythm in the first 3ks or so. As we came up to the loop of the gardens and about the 5.5k point I was feeling horrible. My legs and my arms felt like dead weights and then I started to feel tingly all over my arms, legs and face. We walked the majority of the gardens loop, and what wasn’t walked was a very slow, very sad shuffle. I was feeling pretty disappointed in myself at this stage, because I was feeling pretty bad and felt like I wasn’t going to make it to the finish by the 1:15 goal we’d set.

The walk around the garden loop allowed me to recover a little and towards the end of the loop I seemed to be able to get back into a reasonable pace and rhythm, used the drinks station to wet my face and head and felt much better for it.

I had wanted to run up the goodwill bridge, I knew I could do it, I’ve done it in my weekly runs, and we started running up it, but I said to Lis that there was no point killing myself getting over the bridge and then wanting to collapse on the other side. So we walked up and ran down. A huge boost on the other side of the bridge was seeing Peter there who ran with us for a few metres – this was totally unexpected, we thought he’d gone home after his HM and seeing us off at the start, so that was really great. A few nice downhill sections through southbank allowed us to get a bit of pace back, but the tingling returned about 1km out from the finish.

That last km was an absolute killer. Lisa really pushed me (for which I’m grateful) but it was hard. Put in a bit of a push down the finishing chute.

It was great to hear the announcer say my name as we came up to the finish line! I felt like a star! A slow, hurting star!!!

Came in at about 1:12 in the end. I don’t know what the official time was, we’ll wait and see. I was happy to just finish given the way I was feeling at half way.

Highlights:
finishing!!!
Watching the HM and Marathon runners – amazing.
Cheering on fellow CRers in the Marathon and HM
Seeing my family waving from the top of the victoria bridge at the start of the race, and then seeing them again about 1km from home.
Seeing Peter at the other side of the Goodwill Bridge – a much needed lift!
Getting a huge cheer by Clairie & Tesso as we headed out through the tunnel out to west end

I’m glad I did it – it was hard, but worth doing. Now I have something to aim for at the GCM. About 9 weeks to try and train for that. I’ll be seeking some advice on CR about how to go about that, so anyone who has any tips, please let me know what you think I should be doing. I have no idea how to get faster ... I don’t even know if it’s possible.

I’m debating now if I should enter the MDC in May – it’s only 8km, but I’m just feeling a little too tired and sore this evening to contemplate it properly.

There were several points in the race that I thought I never wanted to run ever again!! Don’t worry, I will run again, probably on Tuesday.

After the race I was thinking what a great place to run an event from. After I finished we took the kids for a play in the new water park recently opened at southbank and the cool water on my legs was like manna from heaven!! When I finished the race my legs and arms were covered in little red dots, looked like a shaving rash or something - took about an hour for that to disappear.

I don't know why today was so hard for me. I think a combination of me being tired from lack of sleep, nerves (even though I felt quite calm), and the heat.

I learnt today too that you should take a pair of thongs or something to put on after the race - putting my runners back on after cooling my feet in the water for a while was not fun. I was hobbling a bit by the time we made it back to the car.

I was also happy to discover that my t-shirt they handed me at the finish line actually fits!!!! Wooo Hoooo!!! So I have the t-shirt, now I need the GCM one, then the B2B one and I'll have the whole set!

Wow, this post is way too long - thanks for sticking it out to the end!!!

I am quite proud of myself - overall a great experience, and an accomplishment no one can ever take away from me.

one more sleep

... I hope it's a good one - I've got to be up a little earlier than I'm used to!! :)

Nothing to report. Glad it's Sunday tomorrow. I'll be back with a race report tomorrow afternoon. I'm glad Lisa suggested we go there early to see and cheer for the Marathoners and HMers - I want to be able to feel like I'm giving something in return for all the lovely support I've had.

Thanks everyone for your comments & enocuragement - they really do mean a lot to me.

Thanks especially to Celeste and Kathy, who really inspired me to believe that *I* could do this. All those names on the sidebar there really are inspirational to me, in different ways, some of you I can realte to now, others of you I aspire to be even a little bit as good as you ... someday.

Tomorrow is like the first step towards a bigger goal, the 10 at the gold coast. I want to work on my speed over the next few weeks so I can totally smash whatever time I happen to run tomorrow.

My plan is to hopefully come in between 1:10 and 1:15. Anything under 1:10 I'll be really pleased about. Run without walking as much as I can,(which will mean I have to try very very hard to avoid a stitch), grit my teeth and run up those bridge crossings, and just have fun!

Went to pick up my race # today and caught the end of the under 15's 3k ... it was pretty exciting to see them coming down the finishing stretch - I still felt completely out of place there and like people were looking at me thinking "what's she doing here?" !! Silly, I know, but years of insecurities when it comes to the whole arena of sport aren't going to dissapear overnight.

I'm off to bed, hopefully I can sleep!! I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve! Someone slap me!!

are you a runner?

The best part about today is that I have finished and submitted my assignment yesterday - so no more being chained to the laptop until it's done. The house is tidy and clean, it's my rest day from the gym, I've been out for my morning run, and it's a beautiful day! :)

Got marks back for an earlier assignment for my anthropology subject ... 93% - very noice.

Have decided we will probably head to southbank on Sunday early to see the marathoners and HMers off and cheer them as they do a lap or 2 before my race starts at 9am.

I have 2 sets of builders coming to give me quotes for various renos today - another thing that makes me very happy! Let's just hope we move from the quotes to the actual building ...

I ran into (literally) my back neighbour this morning - she was walking and I was just finishing up my run down the big hill near our house and a lap around the park for good measure. The look on her face when I stopped for a chat ... you know :
her: I didn't know you ran
me: yeah, I'm doing a 10k run on Sunday blah blah blah

... priceless!!!

I love it. Although, that said, I sometimes feel a little uncomfortable talking about running - I don't know why. I think it's because it's not something everyone does. I mean, to me, going to the gym isn't that impressive in a way - everyone and anyone can go to the gym. "going to the gym" doesn't mean you have to work hard - I've seen it - people who come in and sit on the bike for who knows how long and read a magazine, or take a leisurely stroll on the treadmill while watching TV ... WORK UP A SWEAT PEOPLE!

But running ... there's no escaping hard work in running. You gotta sweat, you gotta breathe hard (well I do anyway!!) and it's not something everyone does. You hear all sorts of excuses from people about why they can't run.

And also, to me, I still have trouble calling myself a runner. Runners are people who run every day of the week, who run for longer than an hour on a regular basis, runners are people who are a lot faster than me, fitter than me, thinner than me, runners are people who can run a marathon or HM without stopping. Runners are people who don't have the constant mental battle with themselves about if they should stop and walk, or even if they should get out of bed in the morning.

So sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable talking about my running to people who don't run. I don't want to appear like I'm talking myself up or anything, so I'll often talk down my accomplishments, like, "oh, I only run 5km" or "the most I've ever run is 10km (well, it will be on Sunday anyway!)" ... I feel like a bit of a fake ... does that make sense?

I know, I should get over it!

Well, my first builder is here ... let's hope the quotes don't break the bank too much.

9km, restored confidence

This morning's run was good. A touch over 9km at 1:05. We walked a bit at the end because it was the 3rd bridge crossing we'd done and right at the end and I was feeling lazy. So talking to Lisa this morning about what my goals should be for next week we decided that a realistic 'A' goal would be to come in at under 1:15, hopefully closer to the 1:05 or 1:10 mark ... watch this space!!!

'B' goal is just to finish!!!! :)

I told Lisa I would leave my watch at home and she was only to tell me the time/pace about 2k from home if we were going to make a good time!

I don't want to get hung up on the time, it's not the reason I'm doing this race, we'll focus on that at the 10 at the GCM. I've done absolutely no speed work in all the running I've ever done, so hopefully there will be some big improvements by the GCM in whatever the time ends up being on sunday.

Anyway, it was a good run that left me feeling happy and confident about next week!

Planning to get to the city at 7am next Sunday, and go and hang out with the CR cheersquad for a little while before heading over to the race start. Should be a good way to distract the nerves!!

Only one run planned for this week - probably on Tuesday morning, an easy 5k, some gym work on Monday, Wed and Thurs, resting Fri and Sat (kinda makes me laugh ... resting!!! It's not like I'm running a marathon!!)

Just have to wait and see what the weather is going to be like - if it's fine I'll wear my white and blue singlet, if it's raining it'll be the dark blue one ;)

Bring on Sunday!

low confidence

This morning I had a terrible run. I know you gotta have the bad ones to appreciate the good ones, but it wasn't the run so much that got to me the most ... indulge me for a moment while I have a whinge.

This morning I went and ran with a group for the first time, I didn't know anyone, none of them were CRers (I don't think anyway - they weren't nice enough!). It was something I thought I might like to check out after seeing them running about a month and a half ago. So I went this morning because I'd said I would. They were supposed to be doing a 5k run, which fit into my program nicely.

anyway, got there and for anyone who knows brissie, they were doing loop of the cliffs at KP - along RT from the rotunda, down the fireman stairs at the story bridge end, and up the steps at the other end back to the rotunda. I'm not sure how far it was, not too far - probably about 1.5k

I hated every minute of it. Not only was it boring, the stairs were greulling. I was the slowest (which I can handle), by the third loop the trainer leading the group was pushing for PBs ... I felt ill. I stopped at the top of the first stairs and walked back to the rotunda.

I don't know if I'm more dissapointed in myself for not finishing, or dissapointed that the session wasn't what I thought it would be and I was so crap and slow at it. I think I must be hormonal or something because it's really got to me and left me feeling quite upset and shattered confidence wise.

The trainer told me they'd spent the first part of the year doing speed work and were now concentrating on distance and endurance ... isn't it supposed to be the other way 'round????? They spent so much time fluffing around it really annoyed me!

anyway, needless to say, I don't think I'll be going back (especially as they want $9 a pop for the privilege)

So I came home and am feeling quite unsure about next Sunday. What am I thinking thinking I can do 10k ... yeah yeah, I know, I can do it, blah blah blah, but I'm just feeling like a big sook at the moment.

I have an 8k run planned for the morning - hopefully will feel better about things after that.

Had Box class on Friday and one of the guys in the class commented on the effort I was putting into hitting one of the bags! I was just feeling a little frustrated and was taking my anger out on the bag!!! oops!

top night

Last night I went out for dinner with a bunch of the CR brissie crowd (plus Miners). Before the dinner the only person I'd met was Vegie-girl, who I have run with a couple of times on the weekends. So I was a bit scared, meeting new people is way outside my comfort zone!

There was Me, Miners, Vegie-Girl, Tesso, Clairie, Davo, Owen, Cirque, PeterHorse, Undercover Brother, ummm I think that was it, plus Clairie's family and a couple who I don't know who they were!

Me and my lovely running partner, me looking a bit strange!!!

ETA these pics - stolen from the CR site - L - R top row - Davo, Vegie, Me, Owen. Bottom Row, L - R - Miners, Peter & Undecover Brother (who is an absolute crack up)

It was just nice to meet these people and find out they are indeed as nice in real life as they are on CR, and still had heap of encouragement and advice to offer. Stayed out past midnight - which is waaaaaay past my bedtime, needless to say I was a bit bleary eyed this morning when the kids decided it was time for me to crawl out of bed! I'm sure I had palnned to run this morning, but at about 11pm last night I realised that wasn't going to happen!!

I'm really glad I went.

Went out for a 5k run before my PT yesterday morning. Nothing special about it, in fact it was quite a slow run. Realised that route I run takes me right past a water treatment plant ... I wondered what the smell was!

PT was ordinary and left me wondering if I will bother buying another block of 10 after this one is finished. Drew i great, but I think I'm just a little bored with it. I would actually love to get outside and do something in a park or something (although coming into winter, I'm not sure that's the smartest idea!).

I made a deal with A that if I watch my food intake for the next week and a bit before the 10k, and then run the 10k, that I can have a massage on the Monday evening after the 10k. Motivation wise it seems to be working. I've never had a proper massage before, so I'm looking forward to it, and I can imagine that I'll be pretty wasted after the race on the Sunday before, so it should be good.

The non-running coolrunners have decided they're going to camp out on the city side of the goodwill bridge for the race on the 22nd, to cheer everyone on. Is it possible I might be able to turn more red from embarrassment than from huffing and puffing 8km into a 10km race??? It'll be great to have the encouragement, but I am so not an attention needing kind of person (especially when I'll be running so slowly and badly!) so it'll be a bit of a squirmy moment too. I must try to get over that and just enjoy it and enjoy the support!

Better go, gotta get my head around the last half of this assignment ... have I said how much I hate studying right now?!

Piker

I piked out of my 5k run this morning - Maeve woke up 3 times last night (not including the wake at 5:15am when I decided to turn the alarm off it's set time of 5:45am). So I decided I wouldn't get up and run this morning. Don't feel so guilty after back to back runs on Sun & Mon (normally I have a rest day between runs).

I can see as the weather gets colder it's going to be harder and harder to get up in the mornings.

I still have half an assignment to write.

Kathy, I just read on your blog about your planning a trip to QLD soon ... I left you a comment - if you want to & if you have time & are in the right location etc etc, please let's meet up for a run?

Gotta go, kids are playing their fav game of let's see how loud we can scream at each other and who has the highest pitch :0

8K!!!! Yay!

Today is my longest run to date - 8km!

Convinced A that he should take the kids to the fantastic playground at New Farm Park while I went for a run - I don't think he expected me to be gone for as long as I was.

7km out and back, starting behing the Powerhouse and then along the river at New Farm and the floating walkways to the Story Bridge and back to New Farm with a loop of New Farm Park to round it out to 8km.

When I got back to the park I really didn't feel much like running around the park, but I made myself. Did a bit of self talk (out loud!) that I could do it, I needed to prove it to myself blah blah blah. Anyway, took me 55min in the end all up. 2 short walking breaks when I stopped at drink fountains.

It was great to get some confidence back after my 2 not so good runs last week.

This week I'm planning my biggest running week ever. Starting today with the 8k, tomorrow a 5k, wed is PT and spin at the gym, Thurs 5k and weights, Fri Box and then on the weekend, at least 1 8k on the Sunday, possibly a run on the Sat depending how I feel. The easing off the week after for fresh legs for the 10k race.

I think I'm going to book a massage for the Monday after the race - my reward!! I haven't told my trainer at the gym that I'm doing the 10k yet ... will probably mention it on Wed during my PT - see what he has to say about it!

Oh, Kathy - I used Google Earth to do the maps - it's so easy - if I can figure it out, anyone cane. It's free to download and you just use the navigation tool in the r.h cnr of the screen to zoom in to the area you want. You can map a path and they also have a mearsuring tool which is how I measure the distance of my runs. I think you can download Google Earth here: (http://earth.google.com) - I wouldn't try it if you're on dial up though.

ETA - you know what I'm most excited about with regards to the 10k??? I get to have one of those cool racing pics up the top here instead of the dorky one that's there now!!! hee hee!!

Not so long run ...

Here's what this morning's run looked like ... 6.5k - a bit short of the 7 we planned but when I met Lisa for the run I suggested we run the opposite direction and cross the victoria bridge and run under the f'way and a loop of the botanical gardens, back over the goodwill bridge and up the forecourt of southbank - it's the latter half of the 10k route that I'll be running on the 22nd.

There's a few hills (not big ones, just little rises over bridges and through the gardens) but just minor undulations really make it much harder - I must have to do more hill work in my weekly runs. They're just so unpleasant!!!

Was actually a bit of a hard slog this run. I was looking forward to it, but I think a combination of only running once this week (and that one wasn't great either) and crappy diet just made the entire run a bit of a trial rather than enjoyable. If Lisa hadn't of met me at southbank I think I wouldn't have run - so it was great to have someone there to force me!

The great thing about this morning is that Lisa offered to run the 10k with me on the 22nd - so it'll be nice to have some company of someone more experienced than me, I won't be so nervous, and less likely to try and run harder than I should. Halfway through today's run I began to wonder what on earth I'd done signing myself up for the race - but I'm going to work really hard to change that attitude during this week. I know I can do it, I just have to think positively.

You know, I think when I don't know the distance I'm running it becomes a real mental battle for me. Also, when I don't know the course and don't know how much further until the home stretch, the negative thoughts are much more persistant and louder than the positive ones. Does that make sense. When I came home and mapped this run I realised it wasn't any further than what I've been running and should have managed it a lot better. But I think because I didn't know exactly how far it was, then it was a lot harder.

I really enjoy Lisa's company - it's nice to have someone to talk to through a run.

Gave the kids their easter eggs this morning - they got 2 each - a Humpty Dumpty (thanks Morsey!) and a small cadbury bunny. Maeve proceeded to mash hers into a million pieces and then cried about it!!! Max hasn't touched his. Oh to have his self control!!!!! It'll probably it around the house taunting me for weeks to come, and being the bad mother that I am I'll probably eat bits and pieces of it here and there and one day (in 2 mths time) he'll ask me where his easter eggs are ... :0

No, I must be good. I want to feel good for the run on the 22nd and I know to get the most out of it I'm going to have to behave myself food wise. I've decided to take Kathy's advice re the food diary - previously when I eat something I shouldn't I never wrote it down (if you don't write it down it has no calories right?!!), but I think Kathy was right in that when you do write it you realise exactly what you've eaten and you're more likely to get back on track instead of turning the situation into one great big binge.

Frustratingly everal people in the last week have told me they think I don't need to lose any weight, that I look good, 'healthy', blah blah blah ... it doesn't help me to hear things like that - then I just go make excuses for myself. I've put on about a kilo over the last couple of weeks and clothes that were begining to feel a little loose are now feeling a little tighter ... :( - but it's been a low exercise couple of weeks for me with a busy week last week leading up to Max's party and then with Easter this week and the gym closed for 4 days. So I'm making a promise to myself that it'll be game on for the next couple of weeks, really trying hard to do the best I can, and then if I don't see results, then I will allow myself the right to be frustrated and upset. But until I'm completely honest in my exercise and eating, I don't have that right.

As much as I love getting the old grey matter working again, I am really not enjoying this external study caper right now. We're half way through the semester and I feel like I haven't learnt a thing - I hate to think what the exam is going to be like - at least with essays I can bluff my way around them and BS my way through ... exams are a different story. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

It's an absolutely beautiful day here, I love this time of year.

Better stop waffling and go play with the kids, do the dishes etc etc ...

ETA - %^$#@ blogger - no matter what I do I can not get it to format these paragraphs right ... sorry.

any takers??

Anyone want to write an assigment on the IMF, World Bank and the discontent of Global Capitalism???? anyone ... ?? No? I guess I'll have to go back to banging my head against the wall ...

braved woolworths this morning to get eggs and a few groceries - It was busier than Christmas Eve. Thankfully I was in and out in about 20 min max.

Max has gone 'camping' for the day with A, so it's a girls day (except the big girl of the house has a freakin' assigment to do). Might take Maeve out for a walk later as I've had no exercise for 2 days ... :(

I went and bought a book at Borders about running for women today. I'll have a read of it after I've written my assignment otherwise I'll procrastinate too much. I'm concerned that it'll be that time of the month for the 10k at the Brisbane Mara ... I don't run well at that time, find it really hard actally.

Thanks everyone for your comments lately - Gnome - you always have such wise things to tell me!!! :)

I'm looking forward to my long run tomorrow.

ahhh, I'm feeling a bit better today - I promise not to do that again. I was going to delete ... but part of me feels better having got that off my chest. It's just a bit personal though

Went for a run this morning and it was one of those runs where nothing felt right. I went out pretty hard to the half way mark (a lot of it down hill) but coming back was just horrible really. I would have loved to use a toilet and it was all uphill and I just couldn't find any rhythm and was really glad when I finally got back home. The big hill on the final home stretch felt terrible. It's quite steep and felt really jarring.

I missed my weights work out today because of the kindy hat parade and maeve needing to have a sleep before it.

And just becuase he's so cute, here's a pic of Max and his easter hat he made at kindy

and here's the latest addition to the family - Max's Guinea Pig, which he called "Lush", we got Maeve one too, we've called hers "pig pig" because that's what she calls them. They're quite cute and Max loves holding them. I've almost lost this one twice when he's made a dash for the fence and the bushes!!

I realised tonight that I can't go to the gym for my normal box class tomorrow because the gym is closed. Man, I was ticked off when I realised that - I was really looking forward to going. I'm not gonna run tomorrow. I'll probably leave it until Sunday morning - aiming for 7.2k run with vegie-girl around the river and southbank. After today's run I'm just not excited about the idea of getting out there again before Sunday.

Anyway, looks like the Lions are going to win, and ch 7 have delayed the coverage by an hour and I can't be stuffed staying up to watch it, I'm too tired.

Next Wed night I'm going with the brisbane coolrunners and Miners to dinner at Milton. Should be fun I think, I'm quite nervous if I think about it. I asked A if he wanted to come with me and he looked at me like I was very strange!! So I guess that's a no!

Hope everyone has a great easter, believe it or not I've left egg buying until the last minute and will have to brave the crowds on Saturday to get an easter egg or 2 for the kids. I must be mad.

a little dramatic... i'm hovering over the delete button...

ok, be warned, this is not a pretty post, if you want to skip it, feel free.

I need to have a whinge about myslef.

I think I'm fairly intelligent. I always did well at school, I enjoyed uni and did well there too ... then why am I so freaking stupid when it comes to food?

I continually frustrate myself when it comes to trying to eat well and as a result lose weight.

I know that I have emotional triggers for my eating. I know I particularly eat when I'm stressed and when I'm bored. I know what stresses me ... mainly the kids & family crap, and I should never be bored - I have heaps that I should be doing.

So what frustrates me the most is that while I know these things, I still can't seem to control it. I'm a bit of a control freak. I don't like delegating things unless I know 100% that the person is going to do it, and do it well (which normally means doing it the exact same way I would do it!!). I don't know why I can't just keep my eating under control, have the will power to stay away from the junk and the sugar.

I want to be healthy. I don't want to be stick thin, never did and never will, I just want to feel healthy. I really really really do. So why isn't that enough to stop me eating junk?

For the first time in my life I'm exercising 6 days a week. And real exercise, you know, not an easy stroll around the neighbourhood, but sweat inducing, muscle building exercise. I know that I'm fitter aerobically than I ever have been, and I've come leaps and bounds with my running, I'm stronger than I ever have been, and I know my body has changed shape (just a teeny tiny bit) and I'm feeling better about that aspect of my health and fitness. and I'm really proud of those changes I've made. But it all seems pointless if I don't fuel my body properly to get the most out of the exercise.

People talk about acknowledging the reasons why you're overweight. I don't have any reasons. I haven't ever been abused, verbally, physically or sexually, I come from a happy family who loves me, I have a marriage which is wonderful and a husband who is mostly supportive and encouraging of everything I do, we are financially secure and stable. So what's my excuse????? Not that I believe in excuses ...

I get stressed about the children. The constant whinging and tantrums and fighting drive me mental. I think I started to experience a bit of PND after Maeve was born, which is the reason I joined the gym, and that has made a huge difference. I use the kids and their behaviour as an excuse. An excuse to do what's easiest rather than what is best for them or me. I have a huge guilt complex about not being a good enough mother. I think this stems from the great difficulty we had bringing these 2 little people into this world and then feeling terribly guilty at how hard I find motherhood sometimes, how I should be cherishing every single moment and just being grateful that we have these 2 little miracles. Like any mum, I know this isn't logical, I know that every mum finds motherhood challenging ... I guess I just feel I don't handle the challenges in the best way sometimes.

I've always struggled with my self image and self esteem. Now, as a child growing up I knew my parents loved me, I knew I was valued and all that, but socially I always struggled to feel accepted and liked and happy. That's something which has followed me to adulthood - I find it extremely difficult to make new friends, to feel accepted for who I am, to show people who I really am.

But what's all that got to do with food and eating??? I don't know. I tend to believe there's no reason for excuses like that, get a grip, build a bridge and just get on with it. Stop the whinging and just exercise some self control for a change.

So I'm hoping by dumping all this out there, I'll feel better. I've been beating myself up over it for a couple of days (which then makes me depressed and then I eat more).

If I had gotten my act together when I first started going to the gym 9 months ago I wouldn't be in this position now. I'd be thinner and healthier and I'd be able to run faster (now, that's what it's all about!!!).

I owe it to myself and my family to change my eating habits. I'm going to really try. I know I've said that before, but I really want to try, I'm sick of feeling this way about myself.

Anyway ... enough beating up on myself. To try and ease my guilt complex as a mother and cope with being a single mother for the last few days while A is away in Melb for work, I'm toying with the idea of taking the kids to see Meet the Robinsons at the movies. Maeve has never been to a movie before, so it could be a very interesting experience!

I'm excited about the 10k on the 22nd. Well, I go from being excited to being scared, to wondering what I've got myself in for! Did a run on the treadmill before my spin class this morning at the gym - managed 2k at a 6min/km pace - I was pretty pleased with that. I found it really elevated my heart rate for the spin class as I was sweating like crazy during spin and I normally don't. The instructor really made it tough for us today. Not much seated stuff at all and a horrible horrible hill climb during which he got off his bike and came ans stood in front of me and was like "come on sarah, you can do it, keep going" (trying to figure out if he was doing that because I was doing a good job or a terrible job!!). I enjoyed it though.

I'll probably go out for a run tomorrow and then think about doing 2 runs over the weekend. Thank goodness A is home tonight. Easter Hat parade at Max's kindy tomorrow.

Sorry for the long post ... again.

I'm gonna do it

I'm registering online today ............................................ 19 days and counting ...

crazy 10km thoughts

Soooooooo, the last week or so since the racing season started to kick into full gear, it's got me all ansty. My first organised race isn't until 1st of July - the 10km at the GCM. When I originally set that goal I thought it would take me that long to be able to get myself to a position where I could actually run 10km...

I know I've got the 5km in 2 weeks at Sanctuary Cove, but I know I can do that distance, and I know I can probably do it in a sub 30min time ... but I want to do a 10km. I want that feeling that I got when I ran my first ever 5k - that feeling of knowing I pushed myself just that little bit more than I thought I could and feeling like I could have danced the whole way back to my car despite the fact I'd just run further than I ever had in my life.

The only way I can get that again is to do a 10km race in the near future and exceed the current expectations I have of myself.

sooooooooooooo, the Brisbane Marathon is looming - 22nd of April. 3 weeks away. Is it foolish to think I might be able to run the 10km race at the Brisbane Marathon - not aiming for a particular time, definately not a sub 60min time, but hopefully a sub 1:15. And then if I did that my training could focus on bringing my speed up so that I could aim for a sub 60min at the GCM.

Is it pie in the sky? Am I biting off more than I should chew? Should I just plod away and get my distance up a couple more km before I consider it. At the moment I know I can run 7km (well, I did 6.6 on Sunday, I know I could do another .4 to round out to 7km) .... arghhh, what to do??

Any thoughts/feedback would be greatly appreciated and seriously considered.

PT this morning then did 1/2 hour of cardio -10 min jog on the treadmill at 8.5 and an interval workout on the cross trainer. 30 sec full on and 1 min recover, repetitions for 10 min with 5 min regualr speed either side. My legs felt like Jelly after. PT today was tough. Did bench presses and squats with weights followed by 2 repetitions of: cable row @30kg, 20x step ups on each leg lifting 6kg weights stright up above my head, followed by 2 repetitions of : 10sec prone hold on the fit ball, then staying in prone hold position, bringing alternate knee to the ball (10x each knee), back to 10 sec prone hold, followed by 10 girly push ups (because I'm weak and can't do real ones ... yet!). I was wasted. But it was good.

Drew also said he wants to see a food diary next week so he can see what I'm eating. Obviously the exercise is coming along perfectly, but the kilos aren't shifting - yes, I know weight isn't the only indicator, but you would think I'd be losing something - so it has to be a diet issue, and if I'm honest with myself, I know that I could eat better/wiser. So that's going to be the focus for the next couple of weeks.

RMR asked what kind of skirt I bought - it's an adidas one - has a great 3 stripe pattern right down the back of my butt!!! I got it at Rebel - simply because I was there, had only 1 child with me, who was sleeping in the pram, and it was all too easy! Probably could have picked one up cheaper at A Mart all sports or similar. It cost me $55 :0. But worth every cent to not have to worry about pulling shorts out of my crotch every 10metres or so!! The other skirt I have is a Nike one which was given to me by a fellow CR - very generous! She'd lost weight and didn't fit it anymore. They're both blue. When I get speedy fast I'll buy a hot pink one!!!

I need some bodyglide - do you think I can find any ANYWHERE? No. I've tried every sports shop I have some across and they look at me like I'm talking a foreign language. When I explain what it is they look at me even more strangely. *sigh* If anyone wants to volunteer to buy some for me, I'll send you the money and the postage ... I'm getting some rubbing from the hot pant short thingos under the skirt, and would love to try the bodyglide to see if it makes a difference.

Wow, this post is huge - if you made it all the way to the end then you deserve a medal!! Thanks for hanging in there and reading with me. I always really appreciate everyone's comments ...

10% and new shoes

I got new shoes yesterday. Asics GT 2120's ... I saw Steve (the footmac from CR) at the podiatry clinic and he said I had great feet for running & provided I increase my distances etc sensibly I should stay injury free. Yay! He said the sore knees and shins are most likely just a phase and if I can persevere through, that it should subside once my body adjusts to doing the kind of distance I want to be running. So good news, kind of, I suppose!

Took the new shoes out for a run this morning. I re-ran the 6k route I did last Sunday, but added 10% to the distance, so 6.6k - my time was 46:25 - so pretty consistant with the 45min 6k I ran last week with Lisa.

I really didn't want to get up this morning. I was tired after the party yesterday and it was a cool morning, and I just wanted to stay in bed. But I dragged my lazy butt out and once I was out the door I was happy. I have a confession to make ... sometimes I only get out of bed and run so I can get away from the kids and have a bit of 'me' time ... is that terrible?

Really tried hard to to think too much today while I was running. Normally I'm constantly thinking to myself, "only xxx further to go now, don't stop, keep going, you can do it, it's not that hard" blah blah blah. Certainly doesn't make the run any easier. So today tried just to zone out, had my iPod, and just concentrated on saying hi to all the runners I passed (and muttering "grumpy guts" as I passed them if they failed to respond - once I'd passed them of course!). Passed 3 girls running together in the opposite direction who were all wearing their teeny tiny little shorty shorts and midriff sporty tops - I didn't say hi to them - not fair really. I was in the wrong queue when God was handing out body shapes. :)

I ran all the way back over the Goodwill Bridge without stopping to gasp for air - despite the cyclist who parked his bike right in front of me ACROSS the pathway to stop and have a chat to some walkers :( . Now, don't get me wrong, I have a lot of admiration for cyclists, but it irks me when they don't obey the rules they expect everyone else to follow (on the road and on the bike/walkways).

I have another map (I promise it will be the last - until I discover a new running route!!). Did I say how much I'm loving Google Earth (incase you couldn't tell!)

Was a bit slack over the weekend so far tracking my food, so back to that today. Managed to be pretty good with the party food, avoiding lollies, party pies etc ... did have a piece of birthday cake - but you have to when your son in the birthday boy, right? We're off to the pet store to buy a water container for the Guinea Pig Max got from my mum for his birthday!!